News

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August 1, 2011

Watkins Glen, NY: Inside sources have reported that during Super Ball IX, for the first time in the band’s twenty-five year career, drummer John Fishman and keyboardist Page McConnell actually spoke to each other. Reportedly, Fishman, Page, and bandleader Trey Anastasio were hanging out in the backstage tent area between sets. Mike Gordon had...

Veggie Burrito May Be Deciding Factor in Man’s Standoff with Porto Potties

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July 8, 2011
Veggie Burrito May Be Deciding Factor in Man’s Standoff with Porto Potties

Watkins Glen, NY: Sources tell us that a single, seemingly harmless vegetarian burrito may have been the impetus that ended a long-lasting tactical standoff between a highly-motivated Phish fan and the collective entity known as the on-site festival Porto Potty. 2:30 p.m. Friday “On the way to the fest,” said girlfriend Rachel Graff, “Jerry...
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String Cheese Incident Caught Releasing Air from Phish’s Tour Bus Tires

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July 6, 2011

Burlington, VT: Musicians Bill Nershi, Michael Kang, and Kyle Hollingsworth, widely known as members of Colorado-based jamband The String Cheese Incident, were spotted last Thursday afternoon releasing the air from the tires of a Coach USA 40-foot tour bus, chartered to deliver local prog-rock legends Phish from their hometown to their three-day fourth of...
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Well-Intentioned, Yet Misguided Fan Raises Newcastle and Toasts Independence

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July 5, 2011
toast

Rothbury, MI: In what sources believe was a well-intentioned, yet misguided gesture of patriotism, Electric Forest attendee Shawn Guiles popped open a fresh Newcastle beer, held it high above him, and said “Here’s to our great fucking country!” then took a long, proud swig. “I was going to say something,” said fellow camper Laura...
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Spun Bassnectar Fan Jams Out to 4 Hours of an Electric Generator

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July 1, 2011

Rothbury, MI: Witnesses report that a dreadlocked woman finally retired to her tent after spending 3 hours dancing to the beats and grooves of an electric generator that was powering a pizza vendor’s ovens.  One witness, Dan Sovner told us, “That girl was rocking it so hard.  I don’t even know the last time...
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Superball Med Staff Forced to Revert to Medieval Health Practices

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June 30, 2011
Centaur Scurvy

Watkins Glen, NY: Sources from deep within Phish’s infrastructure have informed us that the medical team at Superball IX, in anticipation of’ strange and uncommon’ ailments, has proactively abandoned standard medicinal practices, and is reverting to a broad range of obscure and eclectic forms of treatment, spanning from Pirate medicine to World War I...
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June 29, 2011

Gainesville, FL: In what close friends and family consider a ‘major step towards maturity,’ 33-year-old loving husband and father of two Jason Feder is “totally cool with missing Superball IX,” sources tell us. “I was really surprised,” said best friend Matt Segel. “He doesn’t seem to mind at all. Usually, around this time, he’d...

Fan Manages to Get Arrested on Couch Tour

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June 29, 2011

Mike’s Living Room, Passaic, NJ: 29-year-old Mike Singer somehow managed to get himself thrown in jail doing what has become commonly known as ‘couch tour,’ in which fans enjoy live streams of Phish shows from the comfort of their own houses. “I don’t know man,” said Singer’s friend ‘Squirrel’, “we planned on doing the...
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Man Explains Gamehendge Mythology on First Date, Still Awaiting Callback

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June 24, 2011

Chicago, IL: Witnesses overheard John Riches, a 26-year-old Uptown resident, excitedly recapping the entirety of the Gamehendge mythology to his dead-eyed date at Hama Matsu sushi restaurant on Clark Street. “You see, there was this evil dictator, his name was Wilson,” he reportedly told 28-year-old Jenny Matthews from their window side table, “and he...
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Fake Jerry Gives Woman Fake Orgasm

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June 22, 2011
Real Woman and Fake Jerry

Boston, MA: In the early hours of a brisk Boston morning, Kristine Murphy took a cab back to her apartment while recounting the previous night’s adventure to this dedicated reporter. “After seeing the Further show last night, I decided to go hit up the Beacon Hill Pub on a tip that the band would...
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