Heady Nuggets

Retraction: Big Black Furry Creature Actually From Venus

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August 2, 2011

Pittsburgh, PA: In a shocking press release put out from scientists at Pitt, it was revealed earlier today that the Big Black Furry Creature actually hails from Venus.  This news flies in the face of all previous research purporting that Big Black Furry Creature may have been from Mars.  While many in the scientific...
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Rainbow Gathering 98% White, 1% Black, .5% Asian, .5% Teal

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July 4, 2011

Some Forest, WA: Officials have noted that the annual meeting of free spirited individuals called The Rainbow Gathering might not be named as appropriately as previously thought.  While the event is going on this year in Washington state, an informal survey was done of the attendees.  It has been found that the so-called Rainbow...
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Pacifist Enlists in Glow Stick War

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June 27, 2011
Pacifist Enlists in Glow Stick War

Watkins Glen, NY: News reports have been trickling in from the front lines where Joe Piscanny, a 31 year old self described pacifist, has just joined in the Glow Stick War.  “The battle is hitting Watkins Glen and I have to be ready for it” Piscanny told our reporters.  “I tried to be an...
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Fan Knocked Out For Off-Beat Stash Clap

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June 24, 2011

Camden, NJ: Concert goers report that a man was knocked out cold during a recent Phish show for a Stash clap so off-beat that “even a retarded one-armed mongoose could have done better.”  No witnesses have stepped forward to point out who actually hit Mike “Mad Hatter” Hamilton, but everyone does agree he deserved...
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“Lots are lawless” Says Fan About To Be Arrested

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June 23, 2011

East Troy, WI: “Don’t worry man, these lots are a total free-for-all” said 27-year old Phish fan and Pennsylvania native Jon Skimmons, who at that precise moment was being tactically eyed by the East Troy police. “Seriously, it’s like its own country. You can do whatever you want here. Nobody cares.” “Are you sure?”...
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Child of Deadheads Frightened by Bobby’s Face, Phil’s Voice

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March 30, 2011

Ann Arbor, MI: A young girl was recently frightened upon her first exposure to the Grateful Dead by her parents, Joe and Melanie Kelso.  Joe told us, “We thought it was time to get her listening to some good music and try to ween her off the Wiggles.  They’re cool and all, but they...
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The Man Who Stepped Into Yesterday Steps In Dog Shit

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March 23, 2011

Newark, NJ: Witnesses say that a grouchy old man appeared out of thin air with his dog.  The old man then stepped into a pile of shit that his dog had just dropped. He walked away cursing ‘kids this days’, as well as the ‘ineptitude of the stupid Lizard army’.  If you encounter this...
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