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Well-Intentioned, Yet Misguided Fan Raises Newcastle and Toasts Independence

July 5, 2011
toast

Rothbury, MI: In what sources believe was a well-intentioned, yet misguided gesture of patriotism, Electric Forest attendee Shawn Guiles popped open a fresh Newcastle beer, held it high above him, and said “Here’s to our great fucking country!” then took a long, proud swig. “I was going to say something,” said fellow camper Laura...
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Spun Bassnectar Fan Jams Out to 4 Hours of an Electric Generator

July 1, 2011

Rothbury, MI: Witnesses report that a dreadlocked woman finally retired to her tent after spending 3 hours dancing to the beats and grooves of an electric generator that was powering a pizza vendor’s ovens.  One witness, Dan Sovner told us, “That girl was rocking it so hard.  I don’t even know the last time...
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Pacifist Enlists in Glow Stick War

June 27, 2011
Pacifist Enlists in Glow Stick War

Watkins Glen, NY: News reports have been trickling in from the front lines where Joe Piscanny, a 31 year old self described pacifist, has just joined in the Glow Stick War.  “The battle is hitting Watkins Glen and I have to be ready for it” Piscanny told our reporters.  “I tried to be an...
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Phishing Scams

June 20, 2011
Phishing Scams


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Strip Club Plays Only Grateful Dead Music; Closes After 24 Hours

May 31, 2011

Atlanta, GA:  Almost 24 hours after its grand opening, “The Dancing Bare” shut its doors for good.  Local officials scoffed at an aging entrepreneur when he outlined his plan to bring a new strip club to Atlanta.  The catch? This club would only play music from the Grateful Dead.  Club owner Sammy ‘The Wheel’...
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Dozens Hospitalized As Fire Alarm Goes Unnoticed During Disco Biscuits Concert

March 31, 2011

Philadelphia, PA: Numerous concertgoers suffered minor burns during Friday evening’s Disco Biscuits concert at the E Factory.  The cause of the injuries was a fire that, according to sources, set off fire alarms that were, “Clearly heard, but mistaken for part of the song…and consequently applauded.” “Yeah, I heard it,” said 21-year-old Bisco fan...
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What is the best finger to score a miracle?

March 8, 2011


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