August 1, 2011

Watkins Glen, NY: Inside sources have reported that during Super Ball IX, for the first time in the band’s twenty-five year career, drummer John Fishman and keyboardist Page McConnell actually spoke to each other. Reportedly, Fishman, Page, and bandleader Trey Anastasio were hanging out in the backstage tent area between sets. Mike Gordon had...

Rainbow Gathering 98% White, 1% Black, .5% Asian, .5% Teal

July 4, 2011

Some Forest, WA: Officials have noted that the annual meeting of free spirited individuals called The Rainbow Gathering might not be named as appropriately as previously thought.  While the event is going on this year in Washington state, an informal survey was done of the attendees.  It has been found that the so-called Rainbow...
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What are the Chances You Will Wind Up Sleeping In Your Car?

July 1, 2011
What are the Chances You Will Wind Up Sleeping In Your Car?

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“Lots are lawless” Says Fan About To Be Arrested

June 23, 2011

East Troy, WI: “Don’t worry man, these lots are a total free-for-all” said 27-year old Phish fan and Pennsylvania native Jon Skimmons, who at that precise moment was being tactically eyed by the East Troy police. “Seriously, it’s like its own country. You can do whatever you want here. Nobody cares.” “Are you sure?”...
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Donald Trump Demands Trey Anastasio’s Birth Certificate

May 19, 2011

Atlantic City, NJ: From the lobby of the Trump Plaza in Atlantic City, New Jersey, Donald Trump held a press conference in which he demanded the release of Phish frontman Trey Anastasio’s birth certificate.  “Now that I have succeeded in forcing the release of Obama’s birth certificate, I have moved on to a different...
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Phish Announces Super Ball IX Will Be Co-Headlined by Dave Matthews Band

April 1, 2011

New York, NY: Phish has announced their much rumored 3-day festival at Watkins Glen International will take place July 1-3 in New York.  In a move that will surprise many fans, they have also announced that the Dave Matthews Band will be co-headlining the festival.  While the move is a big surprise, it isn’t...
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March 23, 2011

Internet: For the first time in the history of the Internet, Josh Hammersmith posted a cordial and rational comment on a popular message board. “Got shut out again.  I could go and blame Ticketmaster and scalpers, but I think that it’s just time for some noobs to see some good music.”  His use of...

EXPOSED! One Strand of Fishman’s Beard in Each Pint of Phish Food Ice Cream

March 21, 2011

Waterbury, VT: Our reporters are on the scene in Waterbury where an undercover investigation has discovered the secret to Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food Ice Cream.  According to our reporter, “Originally we thought it was the Gooey Marshmallow that added the flavor.  It’s like a delicious Rocky Road without nuts.” After numerous taste tests,...
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Phans Who Forced Kids to Score Tickets Investigated by Feds

March 18, 2011

Washington, D.C.: Federal investigators are looking into whether or not child labor laws have been broken by Phish fans using children to “score some tickets” for upcoming summer tour.  Reports have come in from across the nation that children as young as three and four years old have been coerced into working for hours...
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What are you trading for tickets?

March 14, 2011
What are you trading for tickets?

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