Fake Jerry Gives Woman Fake Orgasm

June 22, 2011
By

Boston, MA: In the early hours of a brisk Boston morning, Kristine Murphy took a cab back to her apartment while recounting the previous night’s adventure to this dedicated reporter.

“After seeing the Further show last night, I decided to go hit up the Beacon Hill Pub on a tip that the band would hang out there later on.  I was pretty blitzed and just getting ready to leave when in walks Bob Weir and Fake Jerry.”

Fake Jerry is of course John Kadlecik, the lead singer of the band Further. Kadlecik is known not only for sounding like Jerry Garcia, the lead guitarist and vocalist of the Grateful Dead, but also for bearing a surprising physical resemblance to a young Garcia.

“Fake Jerry and I totally hit it off, and he didn’t even mind that I was calling him Jerry.  I think he was even kind of into it. Before I knew it we were back at his hotel just totally ballin’.”

A quick 17 minutes later, the passionate tryst ended for both of them. Murphy says, “It was good I guess, but not great.  And yeah, I totally faked it. After like 8 minutes of the same thing I just had to get it over with.”

When asked what the problem was Murphy went on to say, “Well he was kinda weird.  He made me call him Captain Trips for one thing.  And he kept referring to his dick as Franklin’s Tower and told me to roll away the dew.  It wasn’t the most erotic thing, but I was getting into it.”

Murphy was able to look past this and said that she was still very close to orgasm. According to Murphy, he unfortunately “insisted on only using 4 fingers on me. I was begging for the other one but he kept telling me that it was cut off by an axe.  Bullshit, I saw that he was just bending it down to look like it was missing. I don’t know if he thought I was stupid or something, but it was a total mood killer.”
This is not the first time Murphy has bedded a musician channeling a more famous musician.  In addition to Fake Jerry she has also found herself in bed with the likes of Little Gene the lead singer of Mini-Kiss and, during what she calls her Blue Suede era, she slept with 14 different Elvis impersonators in the summer of ‘97.

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