'In hindsight, maybe it wasn't a good idea.'
Atlanta, GA: Almost 24 hours after its grand opening, “The Dancing Bare” shut its doors for good. Local officials scoffed at an aging entrepreneur when he outlined his plan to bring a new strip club to Atlanta. The catch? This club would only play music from the Grateful Dead. Club owner Sammy ‘The Wheel’ Christianson said that he originally got the idea while he was at a Furthur show and saw all the “hot mammas” dancing around him. “There is nothing better than a sexy mamma shaking her hips to a nice jam during Sugar Magnolias. I totally asked my buddy T.L. what he thought about a strip club that played some Dead music. During Drums we came up with the idea for the club, and the next day we got the ball rolling.”
Christianson’s friend T.L. told us, “I didn’t really think the idea was that great, but this was the most motivated I’ve seen The Wheel since that day he decided he’d become a taper. He really thought he could do it. Until he found out he was tone deaf in his left ear. That was a tough week for him.”
Christianson admitted that there were many obstacles to opening a Grateful Dead themed strip club. “Well first you have to get the girls. It was tough getting chicks that were willing to give lap dances for 28 minute jams. And the only girls that would agree to dance wouldn’t shave. Anywhere. Plus, every girl wanted her name to be Sugaree. Shit, they can’t all have the same name! I had to ban that name so no one was thinking I was playing favs or nothin’.” After thinking about it, Christianson added, “There was one girl I had who’s name was Touch of Grey. I hired her to appeal to the older crowd.”
City officials were not surprised to learn of the rapid demise of the business. While none would officially comment for this article, one city employee did tell us off the record, “I’m not gonna lie, I was definitely intrigued, but when I drove by there was this overwhelming sense of patchouli. I just couldn’t do it.”
The Wheel told us he wouldn’t give up his entrepreneurial spirit. He vows to come back next year with a diner that makes only one-eyed-jacks because, “I love that shit.”