Veggie Diet Leads to Joy vs. These Lizards Are Delicious!

March 17, 2011

Icculus: A Vegetarian Diet Leads to Eternal Joy and Never-Ending Splendor

Man will thrive that he imbibes the mineral-rich offerings of our great and wondrous natural surroundings. That he ingests the fats of animals, the skin of Living Things, the blood of the four-footed creatures, so his enlightened state of being suffers beneath the cruelty of those carnivorous yearnings that stunt the spiritual awakenings he seeks. Listen, I did not become the omnipotent sage of Gamehendge by sitting down to a porterhouse every time my appetite commanded me to do so. Naught but a fortnight ago did a mountain goat cross my path, and so did my stomach, it’s hunger full of greed, of avarice, instruct me to indulge in the fatty tissues of his lean and salted frame. But man must restrain himself that he become Godlike, sage and mortal alike, to sacrifice those bestial urges and seek to attain the divinity of The Sage!

Wilson: These Lizards are Delicious!

These lizards are delicious! Who would’ve thought? Don’t let that scaly tissue fool you, don’t be put off by the fat-less legs, the rubber-like frame, the webbing between toes that actually make for an excellent amuse-bouche. It all started when my dear Tela—that insufferable bitch—started complaining: “I’m sick of Prussian Stew! Multibeast again? Blah blah blah blah blah!” The high-maintenence wench! So I hunted lizard. And I’ll be dammned if those cretins make not only great slaves but wonderful meals. To think of all the time I’ve wasted nibbling the stretched fiber of multibeast thigh, the frail bone-meat of mockingbird char.

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